When I look at what life has taken away, am filled with so much bitterness, and pain, and a whole lot of emotion that cannot be described. Then again, I look at what life has given and I cannot imagine how blessed I am. It is more than I could have ever prayed for, or wished for.
It took a village to raise this child. A village of wonderful people. I count myself privileged to have been showered with love and guidance, not only by my parents, but also an awesome community. People that I consider my parents, my family. These are the people that made my childhood memorable. From this community, I got brothers and sisters. All of whom I hold dearly in my heart.
Over the years, beautiful memories have been made. From simple play dates to deep grown up conversations. Growth is change. It brings desired results, as well as the unexpected. In this process, your beliefs are put to test, your values shaken.
Mom was my first Bible teacher. I remember her telling me of Bible stories of Joseph, David, Joshua and Gideon. And then she told me about faith. ‘Do not question God. In all His works, have trust in Him. He knows what He is doing.’ I was young and had a lot of questions. Many that I kept to myself, but am she saw them. But God makes it hard sometimes, for me not to question, sometimes bitterly.
My community has changed over the years. My brothers, sisters and I are all grown, no more play dates, maybe for our kids. One of us departed too early. I must admit, that the pain of losing him is still fresh. I have never gotten over it; i am yet to find closure.
Two of my wonderful moms have departed too. They always stood in for mom when they could and when she could not. Took me in, us, as their own and showered us with love. I still remember their embraces, their scent, their smiles, their laughter and song. They were two hardworking, bold, smart, resilient beautiful women. There is not enough words to describe them. The gap they left in my life, our lives (my family), no one can fit.
“In the waiting, in the searching,
in the healing, in the hurting
Like a blessing in the broken pieces
Every minute, every moment
Where I have been or where am going
Even when I didn’t know it
There was Jesus”
That sums it all up
I count myself blessed and loved, even when circumstances want to prove otherwise.