I was trying to catch some sleep after a very restless night when my sister called. It wasn’t unusual for her to call me at that time of the day, but on this morning, the air felt strange. The words that came after the pleasantries shredded my heart. And on that bed, I spent my day, thinking about life and it’s nothingness.
Death, a five letter word used to sum up itself; Death. The finality it brings is something that I am yet to come into terms with. Am I afraid of death, I do not know. Do I think about it? Yes, when someone close departs. The thought that I will never get to see them or talk to them without seeming insane tears me up a little more.
I lost my best friend, childhood buddy and brother a few years ago. We were both in high school. We went to different schools in our early years but he came to mine a little later; and at some point, we were deskmates. The mischief that used to cook in that place! He was an early riser, hardly did we walk to school together in the morning, I love my sleep. When I was sick or just tired of school for the day, the teachers would ask him to walk me home. He had an interesting world view, his creativity was on top. ‘It’s not the length of life but the depth of life,’ Ralph Waldo Emerson. He was just but a teen when he left. To say that I was shattered would be an understatement.
27th Feb 2015, Grandma’s curtain closed after over 100 years of action. Words to describe that amazing woman always find a way of hiding themselves in my heart. Christmas was never complete without her. Oh the laughter that would fill up that compound on that day! I remember going to her place in the evening after school to get avocadoes. Well, this was usually an excuse to go see how she was doing as we lived a little far from her place. I always left that place happy, whether she had scolded me a little or not. I miss her everyday.
Losing a loved one, no matter their age at the time of departure is painful. And grieve is part of the healing process. For some it may take years to heal, for others, shorter than you can imagine and we all grieve in our own ways. But all in all, we have to pick up our lives and live while we still have the chance. Cherishing each moment that we have with the living, not forgetting that someday, we shall leave too.
Though gone from the physical, the memories are embedded in my heart. The scolds, laughter, meals shared, journeys had… I remember most of them. And a nostalgic smile appears, closely followed by a tear, sometimes a flood. These two wonderful humans, and others that went before and after them will never be forgotten, not by me at least. They are the kind of roses that though dried up, their sweet fragrance lives on.
‘Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.’ I’ll see you when I get there.